Parody of myself in the classroom
Hi there, so this class is called Introduction to Literature. Wow. What does this mean. I mean, Literature? What is literature? Does anyone here know? I don’t really know. Is it Faulkner? Is it Winnie the Pooh? Is it Charlie Brown’s Christmas? And what about Gilgamesh? Why is this stuff literature and the stuff you read not? Or is it? Or should it be? Do you read anything at all? How can I introduce literature to you? Not that this is my job. It is your job to introduce it to yourselves. Because actually I can’t teach you anything. You have to teach yourselves things. Have you ever heard of Dewey? No? Well, that’s ok, because this is a literature class. But you should know who Dewey is. Actually, you should probably feel badly that you don’t know who he is. You guys could look a little more excited about this class. I mean in Ramallah, the kids would be psyched to be here. (Blank faces). Do you know where Ramallah is? Do you know what Ramallah is? (polite silence). Do you know what the Middle East is? How many of you follow the events in the Middle East? Or the world? So what happened in Chile today? Have you heard about these miners? You are very quiet. Does this mean that you do not follow the news at all? What newspapers do you read? Do you listen to the news? No. No. Of course you watch the news — you may as well not bother. But if you insist on watching it, do you know what channels to watch? Oh wait, of course this is a literature class. So, who here has read any literature? Actually before you answer that, do you know where the word literature comes from? How many of you have taken Latin? Well, that’s ok. I will teach it to you. It comes from the Latin, littera, letters, or words. But really letters. So literature means the alphabet? Ha. Ha. That was kind of funny. Why aren’t you laughing? Did you think this class was about the alphabet? Well, actually that would be a great class, wouldn’t it. How many of you know the history of the alphabet? Like where it came from? Have you heard of the Phoenecians? No, I have no idea how to spell them. It is all transliterated from the Aramaic anyways. Oh, do you know what Aramaic is? Here, I will write that on the board. Isn’t this fun? Isn’t this great? Look how much you are learning. Just on the first day.