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Slavery and illness

March 30, 2010

We got back from England and immediately I got sick. I lay on the couch for a week and only today do I feel like myself again. Yesterday, I was well enough to torture myself with the thought of all the work I have to do and which I was not doing. Last night, at out Seder we wrote down any thoughts/feelings/situations that we feel enslaved by and burned them. I wrote that I am enslaved by myself, by depression and paralysis. I have no idea how to free myself. The moment these feelings lift always seems to me like a moment of grace from God, not an act of will on my part, and certainly not anything I have any control over. But there’s a quote that haunts me from Epipectus, the ancient Greek stoic, who wrote that she who is not master of herself is a slave. Of course, he wrote, “he.”

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Ruth permalink
    March 30, 2010 2:56 pm

    Glad you are feeling better. Stop torturing yourself!!!! Space and Grace

  2. March 31, 2010 11:19 am

    You expended much energy to show the world the life of an overlooked and important woman and so was understandably tired. I am glad you took a needed break.

  3. March 31, 2010 11:51 am

    Thank you, Judaye. You get it —

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